You always read travel articles that say, travel alone and see the world through different eyes. You also read articles from around the word that say, you can’t travel as a single, white, female. It’s just not safe out there. Well honey, take it from me, you can and if you are careful, you will be so happy and grow so much more from being by yourself
I’ll tell you a quick story of the days when I was young and scared and how I became comfortable being on my own.
I was 21 when I arrived to do my work term at a hotel on the coast of Liguria, a small province in the North West of Italy. I was alone and I was young and I barely had a grasp on the language. My mother is half Italian and we spoke here and there when I was growing up, but I could never speak it fluently.
I felt so many emotions my first days and weeks being there. Extreme loneliness, sadness, happiness, wonder, amazement, anger and confusion were all common feelings for the better part of the first month being there. I missed my family and friends so much and I missed not being able to joke with people in the kitchen like I could at home. I didn’t have a good enough grasp of the language to communicate and get quick responses coming back. I felt isolated and most times wondered how I was going to make it through the next 4 months.
Many times I felt very isolated and would walk and go places alone, since most of the people I worked with had their own families and friends. I didn’t want to integrate myself into their personal lives, because I thought I was intruding.
I tried so hard to keep up in every way, with work and with the language and with the social aspects of living in a different place…but it was hard, like very hard. I resented the fact that I couldn’t just go to one of them and ask them to do something on our day off, because I was shy and felt like they would never have time for me.
Of course as time went on my language skills became better and I was able to keep up more and was more engaged, but it was not easy. I found myself at times almost forcing myself into situations or just putting myself out there, so I would be allowed to do more. Different cultures are different when it comes to how open minded they are about foreigners. One big thing I can say is how people are so different, like absolutely sooooo different!
I resented so many things about work and longed for the time when I could see my English speaking friends on my days off or talk to people on the phone. I hated the fact that when I was confused about something that was said, no one would even try to explain it to me, and they would simply get pissed off and brush me off as the dumb Canadian girl. Working for a family run business in another country gives light to many things that you would never even think you would be involved in, if you were at home.
My days off were usually spent alone, taking the train to different parts or the region and sometimes as far as others regions to see my school friends. I would walk for hours or see museums, go to the beach and eat so many different things all over these new places I would go.
As time went on I became comfortable with how to get around and take the streets the locals would take and greet the people in the neighbourhood like I had lived there for years. I began to grasp the language so well I couldn’t communicate faster and keep up with jokes (only if you understand humour, have you truly learned to speak another language).
I truly believe that when you are by yourself and in a new place you are more focused. You do and go where you want to go. You are not focused on what other people want to do or where they want to go, because you simply don’t have to be. You’re the leader and man do I ever like leading.
My last month and a half flew by and the day had come when I was finished my work term and was allowed to leave. I never thought I would be so sad to leave a place I had resented so much. I remember hugging my chef and him giving me 150 Euros to spend on a nice dinner in Milan (which was one of the best meals that I can remember). Naturally I went back to my apartment and continued packing and cried. I got a drive to the train station by the husband of one of the girls in the kitchen. Another act of kindness I was not expecting.
These people took care of me through some of the shittiest parts of my life, and I didn’t even thank them for it. I didn’t even think they were doing that when they were speaking to me about certain things or giving me shit for screwing something up. I had just thought that they didn’t like me, but little did I know that was their way of showing me something or trying to understand me.
I learned many things about myself and about people in general while being there. Humans are complicated beings, but we all want the best for one another and we all look out for each other, sometimes without knowing. You learn to see people in a different way and understand emotions differently, because you are not communicating right away by speaking.
Dinners and lunches by yourself, walks and runs by yourself, museums and libraries by yourself. Sure this sounds isolating and scary and when I was on my own, it was very much so. I remember thinking that everyone was looking at me when I sat down to eat by myself, but girl no one is looking at you in pity. I came to realize that people don’t care! You are the one who is in your own head, judging yourself from a far.
I was so happy when I saw my friends at the end of our work terms because I didn’t have to be alone anymore. I felt strange seeing people who were from the same place as me, because I was so used to being on my own and doing it all on my own. I had truly become comfortable with myself and learned so much about people and being a human.
When I finally returned home to my family, just before Christmas, I had no voice, a broken suitcase and smile on my face.
Going places yourself allows you to truly enjoy experiences and be who you are. I think by learning from these experiences, it shapes your future self.
For me now I feel that you have to go away to appreciate what you have and sometimes you have to be by yourself, to truly understand yourself.
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